You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
