Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
