We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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