She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize