just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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