How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
