I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
