If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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