just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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