We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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