it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
