My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
