At least make sure they are 18
Why
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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