Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
