I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
