Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
