So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
