You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
