I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i will never coherently bang her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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