if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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