she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
