So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
