He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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