The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
