if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
