Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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