i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
