Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
