she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
