You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
