What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize