Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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