Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
