No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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