My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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