When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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