i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
