His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
