The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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