I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
