Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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