i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
