Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
