Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
