Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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