It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
