he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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