his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
