I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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