Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
