he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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