dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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