you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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