I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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