Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
