You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
