Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
