You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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