Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
