That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
