remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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