obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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