I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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