Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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