He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
